And so..

And so..
This post is again about her..
I read back my memories..
at first i smiled and laughed at myself,
my stupidity, my innocent..
but then all of the sudden,
i felt guilty, felt shame of myself...

I would have done another way,
if she was with me all the time..
We would end up with happy ending ...
A lot more ... but ...
I regretted ...
Coz I lost my confident, my strength,
to hold on to the relationship..
I should have did it better..

I know there is nothing else I can do..
Nothing else can change the fact..
The only thing i can do is ...
saying softly and silently to her:
I am sorry

It has been a long long long time ...

It has been a long long time ...
I didnt update my blog ...
And now I am updating my blog in a different country ...
Russia ... very far from malaysia ...

I cant even get into facebook cause the line is still so slow ...
I think will be able to do so in mid oct ...

Updating this blog is bcoz of smth ...
Too boring so i read one's blog ...
and also suddenly saw some pictures then i think of the one ...
it has been a long long time ...
didnt contact , nothing at all ...
And when I read back her blog ...
Then I just realize, I dont reli know her ...
and understand her at all ...
The one i love and together with ...
for how many years ...
then i realise i don understand her at all ...
what a shame !! haiz ... feel like i am a failure ...

Just wanted to say that ...
I am a failure ... haiz ... =(

Lonely ~

It has been a long long time I didnt feel lonely ...
But recently ...
I met "lonely" ...
It is not good ...
I want someone else to accompany me badly but ...
There is no one else ...
There is one that I couldnt get close with ...
Coz I feel bad when we are close ...
But just cant resist it when I saw her ...
I feel bad might coz of the past ...
Caused a lot of problem just because of we are too close ...
I am so 矛盾 ... (PS: I am very noob in english)
My best friend starts to busy with his stuff ...
Nobody to chat with, nobody to go out with ...
nobody to play with, nobody to laugh together ...
Thats when I met lonely ...
I really hope someone can replace lonely coz I hate lonely ...
Can someone chat with me, go out with me, play with me, and laugh with me?
Need someone that trust me and I can trust her/him...

Still, my heart feel the pain for no reason

I know something is gonna happen ...
Maybe knowing future is not that good ...
I know it doesnt affect me ...
It is non of my business ...
but i just cant accept it...
I wanted it to be that way ...
mentally at least ...
but i just dont get why ...
still ...
my heart feel the pain for no reason ...
Its the best for all of us ...
should be glad and happy ...
Glad for you ...
coz you are happy ... ='D

我的问题。。。

可能是我不够关心人吧！
往往别人闲空的时候，
需要我的时候，
我都是在忙着。。。
但当我最需要人陪的时候，
大家都很忙。。
别人就因为这样，
说我不够关心，不够体贴。。。
那我呢？
关心我的人，
就只有一个。。
我的好朋友。。
我要谢谢你。。。
我会努力去关心别人的！！