对不起。。。

对不起大家，
这个blog会被荒废3个月。。。
因为本人将发粪涂墙，
读好书，
上网已经对本人没意义了。。。
本人已经失去所有，
可能只剩下本人的最爱。。。
所以，
本人决定自我反省3个月。。。
请大家多多原谅。。。
谢谢。。。

21/3/2010

After a few weeks ...
This is the day ...
I finally see u online ...
and I finally said "Hi" to you ...
But is ur reply?
Not even a "Hi" ...
Just "Busy" ...
and i replied "O..."
and thats all ...
end of our conversation today?

Lonely ...

Suddenly felt so lonely ...
Everyday ...
Nobody to talk with ...
Nobody to play with ...
Nobody to share my feelings ...
Nobody to care for me ...

Everyday ...
Can only talk with my lao po and friend ...
Through phone and computer ...
But my friend seems to be busy ...
Till he has no time to online ...
Or he is running away from me?
I dont know ...

Gonna burst some day ...
Not sure which ...
If u see me on the news,
dont be sad ...
I want u to be happy when i am alive,
and also when i am dead ...

- - - feeling ...

Today went to church ...
got activities ...
help out my teacher ...
and also take care of kids ...
U guys know lar ...
I LOVE KIDS !!
also my lao po and best friend ...

After that,
I went to Hui Pheng Bday party...
at her house ...
Near taman sahabat ...
So we went to taman sahabat to have a walk ...
Many couples there ...
But the feeling is not so strong ...
Why ?
Maybe cos i dont know them ??

Talked with yin ...
and mentioned bout him ...
Mood changed ...
Now then i know ...
The kind of feeling ...
when u are being 敷衍 and 不被理会 ...

Reached home ... bout 10:20 pm ...
On computer ... To check whether my lao po or best friend ...
got update their blog or not ...
Saw my lao po's comment ...
replied my comment with just -.- ...
Looks funny and also looks sad ...
Dono how to say ...

今天。。。

今天早上，
去读书，
考书，
不是很会，
但是我觉得还好。

没回家，
在学校吃。
吃饱帮老师key in东西。
然后回家。
很累，
睡了一下。
醒来，
冲凉，
就出去了。
去BBQ。
很好吃，
但是，
想着你。。。
看到他们那么亲密，
真的好羡慕。
突然好想你，
好想在睡梦中那样，
紧紧抱着你。

回家时，
经过我们以前去的地方，
很想你。
越驾就越想你。
驾的不是很快。
但是，
差点出车祸。
我是直路，
我驾80，
他还冲出来。
Break了很吃力。
我也吓了一跳。
还好没撞到。
在我Break的时候，
我以为一定撞了。
你突然出现在我脑海里。
像天使般的保佑我。

突然，
我觉得，
跟你爱的人，
她却不知道你爱他，
的人在一起，
不是那么痛苦。
反而是，
两个相爱的人不能在一起，
才是痛苦。
多想你可以在我身边，
陪着我。

一个伤心的故事。。。

我什么都不会。。。
什么都不能给你们。。。
只给你们伤心，
不好的回忆。。。

Suddenly ... doubt you and you ...

I am a bit worried bout my results ...
Not very worried bout it ...
Just somehow ,
reli care bout my results ,
Then next second,
i don care bout it anymore ...
Btw, thats not the problem ...

The problem is ...
YOU !!
Wanted to make friend with you ...
But you make me doubt it ...
I am not sure whether being a friend of you ,
is a good or bad thing ...

Then ...
Another YOU !!
Already my best friend ,
But lots of stuff ...
Maybe i mind a lot
or i expect too much from you ...
makes me doubt our friendship ...
This question ...
Are you coming back??
I hope it is a YES,
but i also hope it is a NO ...
Want to know why i said NO ??
I will tell you next time ...

真的要死了以后吗？？

刚刚看完facebook的一个短篇，
回想了，
我看了很多在facebook的短篇，
都是要等一方死了以后，
真相才被揭开。

突然，
问了自己这个问题，
真的要死了以后吗？
我不知道。。。
我知道你不喜欢我这样想，
我也知道，死了以后，
不是一了百了，
而是更多人为我伤心。
但是，为什么？
为什么就是不能放弃想死的念头？
可能你念到这里，
觉得我在做戏，博同情。
也可能是我想太多了。

解释，
是我最讨厌做的事情。
可能是从小就被看贬。
常常在家里解释这个，解释那个，
都被爸爸妈妈说我找借口。
久了，我不再解释了。
干脆把全部的错都认了。
不知道是好还是不好。

虽然，很讨厌解释，
但是，我还是解释了。
为什么？
因为我不想再听到那两个字。
你知道的。
可能我的解释没用，
那我也没办法了。

5个小时的差别，
害得我晚上不能跟你sms.
可能你愿意迟点睡，
但是我不能让你这样做。
可能又是我自私吧。
帮你决定了。
早点睡，对你好。
我知道，你又要说你睡不着。
但是，你要试试看啊！
说真的，以前看你每次这么迟睡，
真的好担心。
看到你后，1个月，
突然不忍心再让你这样虐待你自己。
又是借口！
不管了。就当我找借口吧！

最后一个愿望，也是希望，
你一定要帮我完成，
就是爱自己，好好照顾自己。
你做得到的！加油！
别担心我。。。我没事。

NO !!

Thats not what i want ...
I want time ...
not time to seperate us ...
Time to study ...

I am doing well...
Dont have to worry ...
Studying ...
No outing with friends ...
Just stay at home study and watch tv ...
Not reli sick ... but still a bit of coughing ...
Thats all ...

I still wan to chat with u...
Know u and let u know me ...
but i know u don like to hear it
but i still nid to say ...
i dont have time ...
onli weekends ...
Sorry ..

These days ...

I was reli worried about u ...
Maybe over worried ....
the day, u fly away ...
keep thinking of u ...
the 10 hours ...
before that 10 hours end,
i suddenly get worried ...
worried bout ur safety ..
I keep ask yin ...
ask myself
will u reach there safely ?
yin ask me to stop thinking bout u ...
and thats the moment ...
i realise that i cant stop thinking bout u ...

And that night ...
i sent msges to u ...
till i fell asleep ...
the next day ...
i decided to try ...
try to stop everything from u ...
come into my mind ...
quite ok at first ...
but when i saw ur msg ...
ur image come in my brain again ...
reli hard ...
but i reli cant concentrate with u in my mind ...
I AM VERY SORRY !!