And so..

And so..
This post is again about her..
I read back my memories..
at first i smiled and laughed at myself,
my stupidity, my innocent..
but then all of the sudden,
i felt guilty, felt shame of myself...

I would have done another way,
if she was with me all the time..
We would end up with happy ending ...
A lot more ... but ...
I regretted ...
Coz I lost my confident, my strength,
to hold on to the relationship..
I should have did it better..

I know there is nothing else I can do..
Nothing else can change the fact..
The only thing i can do is ...
saying softly and silently to her:
I am sorry

It has been a long long long time ...

It has been a long long time ...
I didnt update my blog ...
And now I am updating my blog in a different country ...
Russia ... very far from malaysia ...

I cant even get into facebook cause the line is still so slow ...
I think will be able to do so in mid oct ...

Updating this blog is bcoz of smth ...
Too boring so i read one's blog ...
and also suddenly saw some pictures then i think of the one ...
it has been a long long time ...
didnt contact , nothing at all ...
And when I read back her blog ...
Then I just realize, I dont reli know her ...
and understand her at all ...
The one i love and together with ...
for how many years ...
then i realise i don understand her at all ...
what a shame !! haiz ... feel like i am a failure ...

Just wanted to say that ...
I am a failure ... haiz ... =(

Lonely ~

It has been a long long time I didnt feel lonely ...
But recently ...
I met "lonely" ...
It is not good ...
I want someone else to accompany me badly but ...
There is no one else ...
There is one that I couldnt get close with ...
Coz I feel bad when we are close ...
But just cant resist it when I saw her ...
I feel bad might coz of the past ...
Caused a lot of problem just because of we are too close ...
I am so 矛盾 ... (PS: I am very noob in english)
My best friend starts to busy with his stuff ...
Nobody to chat with, nobody to go out with ...
nobody to play with, nobody to laugh together ...
Thats when I met lonely ...
I really hope someone can replace lonely coz I hate lonely ...
Can someone chat with me, go out with me, play with me, and laugh with me?
Need someone that trust me and I can trust her/him...

Still, my heart feel the pain for no reason

I know something is gonna happen ...
Maybe knowing future is not that good ...
I know it doesnt affect me ...
It is non of my business ...
but i just cant accept it...
I wanted it to be that way ...
mentally at least ...
but i just dont get why ...
still ...
my heart feel the pain for no reason ...
Its the best for all of us ...
should be glad and happy ...
Glad for you ...
coz you are happy ... ='D

我的问题。。。

可能是我不够关心人吧！
往往别人闲空的时候，
需要我的时候，
我都是在忙着。。。
但当我最需要人陪的时候，
大家都很忙。。
别人就因为这样，
说我不够关心，不够体贴。。。
那我呢？
关心我的人，
就只有一个。。
我的好朋友。。
我要谢谢你。。。
我会努力去关心别人的！！

Maybe ~

Maybe you are not reading anymore ...
Maybe I dont know you anymore ...
Maybe I understand u no more ...
Maybe nobody cares ...
Maybe I shouldnt be here ...
Maybe I shouldnt appear ...
Maybe you don care anymore ...

Just be happy and be yourself !
=')

I came back ~

It has been a long long time that I didnt update my blog ...
Suddenly just felt like viewing someone's blog ...
and so cant stop myself from updating my blog ...
Just here to say ...
I really hope I can go to Russia ...
Stop from getting into relationship ...
Going to find Russian's girls... =P
Just kidding ...
I dono I have to be happy or sad ...
but I smiled when reading it ...
Still hope u can get a new one ...
Just forget ... =)
Not worth wasting time ...

For the two person I valued the most with one excluded...

I know ...
I can tell the outcome for wad I did ...
Even before I did it ...
But I thought I can at least help a bit ...
In the end, I overestimate my own power ...
I am not so influencing to change it ...
Glad that there is one more out there ...
The one that can change the things appear ...
Hope that things go on better and stay for long ...
There ends my job and I shall quit and relieve...

However,
still one thing I am worried of ...
I thought it should have gone off ...
Out of the mind but still ...
I cant help any ...
Only feel sorry and guilty ...
The right one shall appear no longer ...
Just like the example above ...
Hah! You still always care others more than yourself ...
I watched an anime recently ...
and the male character also valued others more than himself ...
He himself has the lowest priority ...
He would even die for someone he does not know ...
That reminds me of you ...
Value yourself more than others !
You worth it and doesnt matter if it affects others ...
Go on ! Study is the most important ! =D
Glad to see that ...
Uh ~ Time to go ~

Take care ya? both of you ...
May God bless both of you and your families ...
I shall be return some other time to check on the progression ...
Keep it up, for the first one !
Be tough and continue to add oil ! for the second one ...

The past ...

Haha ...
Not a happy smile ...
Just that glad to know something ...
Dont you think those sentences are so familiar ??
Hah ! Coz I used it before ...
When ?? Its the past ...
When you are preparing yourself for one ...
and try to avoid others and also misunderstanding ...
Hoping you can have a chance ...
Chance ??
Sometime when I think back ...
I always dont get a chance when I really really wished to ...
=') Maybe its a good thing ...

Chance ?

When it is still possible,
There is no chance ...
When it is an impossible task,
and there it comes ...
Or maybe not ...
Just that some are destined to get it,
and some are not ...
No matter how,
Those are not destined,
will NEVER get it ...

Why am I not good enough ??

Haha ~
Its the first time ...
I gonna write something out of the topic i just wrote...
Dont ask me why ...
Coz I like it !! =P ...
Actually glad to know bout it ...
Maybe I m just a converter ...
Or means to change something ...
But I am glad enough altho there is some sad ...
To help others ...
Giving others what I can do ...
Maybe nobody sees what comes out after a long time ...
They might just see the present one ...
But I dont blame them ...
Coz I can see the 'result' or 'effect' ...
It comes out good and better than I expected ...
=D

Failed ...

Proven...
Failed ...
Am a failuer ...
Altho my aim got a bit biased ...
But everything just didnt turn out right ...

为什么？

往往，
人们就是对自己没有自信。。。
为什么觉得是别人？
不觉得是自己呢？
我越来越不懂。。。
不是说好的吗？
可能你忘了吧！
不能怪你，只能怪我没进步。
越来越不懂，
就快完全不懂，
可能不懂的不是所读的，
而是写的人。
大家的距离都好远哦。。。
只能怪自己没能得到你的信任，
才会有如此。。。

希望如此...

我希望,
都是在说我.
我把它当是,
我越读越开心,
那是一件好事.
加油!再接再厉!!
=D

Regret ~

Suddenly,
After so many things,
I am really regret ~
Regret bout everything I did ~
Shouldnt come to KL,
It is a waste of time,
and a waste of money,
I will never go on a trip alone next time ~
I cant stop myself from counting how much I waste,
how much I used,
Maybe go with some playful frenz,
It will be better ~

Care and appreciate ...

When I care for you,
U said I'm annoying and ask me not to care ...
When I dont care for you,
you asked me to care and care more ...

When u have something nice,
u wont appreciate ...
When u lost it,
Then u start to realise and regret ...

That's life ... =D

爱与不爱，一样让人心痛。

即将开始的恋情，
男孩以为可以很好，
很稳固，很美好，很幸福。
女孩也在期待着时间的到来。
谁知，
一个来得不是时候的事情，
让男孩放弃了，
放弃了很久以来期待的爱。
等了很久，终于等到。
却在最后关头，
不得不放弃。
一直都那么傻的男孩，
就用了一个方法，
也让女孩放弃，
忘了他。
因为男孩知道，
当事情的到来，
女孩是不会快乐，高兴，幸福。
只有长久的痛苦等待。
倒不如趁还没开始，
就了解了。。。
等了那么久，
默默地，静悄悄的，
却没有结果。
男孩很心痛，
但是也是狠下心肠。
选择了不爱。。。

可恶的奇迹。。。

就在前几个星期，
突然，奇迹出现，
却是一个可恶的奇迹。
就因为这可恶的奇迹，
害得我改变一切计划，
虽然不是你我要得，
我们不能选。
只能说，
是我的错，
我对不起你。。。

Smile with tears and blessing ... =')

I saw a date ...
25 December 2010 ...
I smiled ...
With tears and pain in my heart ...
But I will give my best blessing and
hope for the best ...
I am not a good one ...
I dont hope that you believe me ...
I hope that you believe in miracles ... =')

Bad guy is what I am going to become ...

I dont know whether u can get over it or not ...
but I am sure to tell you that ...
I am going to be a bad guy ...
As bad as wad I can be ...
If you hate me, please do so ...
and scold me ...
I will feel much more better ...
But I am here to tell you that ...
I am NOT going to be with you,
after you or wadeva ...
I don feel sorry for that ...
and I feel glad about that ...
Just hate me and I don mind !!
I am ready to be a bad guy and break all the promises ...
Time is the stupid thing ...
And believing in time is the most stupid thing I had done !!
From now on ...
I am going to take u off my world ...
and YOU !! Kick me off your world !!
I don need to be in ur world !!
and I don want to !!
Just get off and don let me see you again !! ...

Truth and Lie ??

Dont know why ...
The truth always comes to me ...
To avoid misunderstanding ...
I double check and sometimes even triple check the truth ...
And I get that it is for real the truth ...
I asked the question to see whether u are being honest ...
But I always get back the lie ... That is expected ...
I am not sure that you forgot or purposely tell a lie ...
The feeling is so ... indescribable ...
Why everyone likes to do this to me ??
My heart is full of holes ...

Time ...

Last time ...
I wish time will flow slower ...
but now ..
I wish time will flow faster !!
Cos ...
Time will prove everything ...
The only thing to make it clear is when the time comes ...

看来,我永远都不会懂...

那个感觉,
很像很真,
却发现,
另一种感觉,
显得更逼真.

我已经分不出真真假假了...
你总是用你的假,
来遮挡你的真,
当我发现你的真的时候,
你又否认那个是你的真.
当我看到你的假的时候,
你说那个是你的真.
我已经盲目了...
从此以后我都不会去找你的真假,
你说真,我就当真,
你说假,我就当假...
我不再挖掘真相,
就把你说的当成真相...
这不是你的错,
全都是我的错.
对不起!

为什么?

要考试了,
却没心情学书...
父母每天都在骂我,讲我...
我有压力,却就是提不起精神来.
面对着他们,我的压力越来越大...
偶尔会突然发疯,做了一些意想不到的事.

我很怕，怕我疯了！
昨天，心里被火燃烧似的，
很迟才睡得着。。。
我不管了。。。
我真的不管了。。。
为什么你不避开他们，
你却避开我？
为什么！你就甘愿让两个人不开心，
也要让那一个人开心。。。
为什么你就不能让两个人开心？
难道你不会算吗？
这不叫自私。
把我当成东西让给别人，
才叫自私！！

请你搞清楚你自己的感觉。。。
你在这样下去，我会让3个人都伤心。。。
勇敢面对，如果你以为你这样很伟大，
那你就错了。。。你很自私，没顾别人的感受。
要是你要做伟大，把你全部的钱和东西捐出去，
把自己饿死就算了。
那就是伟大的牺牲。

I understand you ... at last ...

From the day you told me ...
I couldnt understand why ...
Sacrifise a lot and get back nothing ...
But still willing to sacrifise ...

In a sudden ...
I understand ...
In a special case ...
That no one expected neither I ...
I felt this kind of feeling ...
Like I am experiencing it ...
Giving away most precious thing ...
And not to hope to get anything back in return ...
Just hope to be together with ...
And not separate for the whole life ...
even if that person does not love you ...

I looked back ...
And I really agree with ...
Love is blind ...